The Dreaded 'Mummy Guilt'...

So it’s been a while since I was able to blog because, you know, ‘life’ got in the way, but I’m going to try and be better at doing it more regularly again, and with Christmas not far away, I’m sure I’ll have plenty to write (ramble on) about!

Something that’s been on my mind, and I’ve wanted to write about for a while is ‘mummy guilt’, which is honestly a real thing. Ask almost any Mum, anywhere.

‘Mummy guilt’ as a term, is something I probably would have rolled my eyes at before I had  Poppy… now however, it is something that is constant in my life. Seriously, every day. There is always the feeling of not doing enough, or that I should have done something different, or something better.

Like when the house needs cleaning, but I played with Poppy instead…

Or when I cleaned the house and didn’t play with Poppy for long enough…

Or if I only read her one book, should I have read her two??

Did she spend too long watching the Disney channel because I needed to get some jobs done?

Was that sneeze because I didn’t wrap her up enough?? (I mean, come on… a sneeze is just a sneeze)

When I went back to work in June, the Mummy guilt reached brand new levels. I wished so dearly that I could afford to stay home with my girl just a little bit longer, but that wasn’t the case. I needed adult interaction, she needed to be around children and we needed the money. Our little Popstar was already growing so quickly and now I was going to miss so much by being at work. My mind went crazy with guilt and my heart felt heavy… Would she dislike me for sending her to someone else’s house while I worked? Would she resent me for making that choice? As it turns out, she LOVES her child-minder and practically squeals with excitement when she opens the door to us every morning. I know I’m lucky with that, but I’m also very thankful of our child-minder. We found a great one, who Poppy loves, and she’s developing so well, which eases the guilt on that topic somewhat, although not completely.

I’ve kind of accepted that the guilt will always be there, but what I’ve spent a lot of time trying to work out is, why? Why was it, that since this little person came into our lives, I can’t trust in what I’m doing enough to know that it is in fact, enough? Would it ever be enough? Then I read a wonderful blog (I’m sorry, I can’t remember the name of it to link it), in which the writer mentioned the Mummy guilt, and for her, she had decided to embrace it. What she wrote sounded so right to me, that I too decided to embrace it.

For me (and I stress this is only my opinion), if I’m not feeling the Mummy guilt, then I’ve stopped caring as much as I should. What a brilliant way to turn a negative feeling into something I can process and use! Not everyone may be able to do this, and that’s fine, but for me, I think I can, and I will definitely try to. If my girl is loved, and fed and (mostly) happy, then I am doing the best that I can.

So now, when I the guilt hits, I will be trying to embrace it instead of feeling beaten by it.

Come at me, Mummy Guilt. Bring it on.

Xx